


how do you fight like you're running out of time

by mirkandmidnight



Series: if/then [6]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Kylo Ren Redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 00:50:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6217000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirkandmidnight/pseuds/mirkandmidnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is an attack on D'Qar. Rey finds herself asking for help, and Ben is less than pleased about this whole affair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The thing about being a former-Jedi-turned-wannabe-Sith-turned-defector was that you never got a moment to yourself to just relax. Every second of the day, it was an unending stream of “Is this area safe? Is that Gungan over there giving me a funny look? Am I going to have to make a run for it?”

It was exhausting. Ben didn’t think he’d slept with both eyes closed for weeks. If he had to deal with this for much longer, he might just go mad.

Of course, he could go to the Resistance if he wanted. But something in him balked at the thought. He’d be locked away, chained up and poked and prodded until he could hardly breathe, and that was no kind of life.

His remaining option would be to find some remote planet and hide out there for the rest of his days. But that would be awfully lonely.

Ben sat back on his legs and stared into the clear pool of water at his reflection. He’d decided to hide out on Coruscant for the time being. 

A thin, vulpine face stared back up at him. The scar on his cheek had faded to a thin, silvery line. His hair had gotten longer, long enough that he’d had to tie it back in a high tail. All in all, it wasn’t a bad face.

But whose face was it? That was the question. What was he going to do with his life? He couldn’t just go on wreaking havoc on the First Order indefinitely. He’d get killed or captured, and neither of those were particularly appealing.

He flicked a finger across the surface of the water, his reflection breaking up into ripples, then stood. Ben decided to run through some lightsaber exercises. It wouldn’t do to get out of practice, not now. He fell into the Niman form IV stance and began.  
***  
The First Order waited until dark to attack D’Qar. How they’d found out the location of the Resistance base, Rey had no idea. Sh simply awoke to the sounds of alarms screaming, blaster fire, and the yells that generally went along with battle.

Rey leaped out of bed (glad for once that she still slept with her shoes on), picked up her lightsaber, and raced for the door. She ignited the lightsaber as she ran.

She peered around the doorframe and jerked back as a blaster bolt few past her, inches from her nose. Well, that answered the question of where the attackers were. Rey scowled. How was she meant to get out and start helping with this nonsense going on?

An idea struck her, and she turned around and went back into her room. If she couldn’t get out the door, she’d just have to go out through the one other option she had: the window.

She pushed it open and vaulted herself out, thoughts buzzing in her brain like bees. Logically it had to be the First Order, but from Rey’s understanding the two groups had an uneasy truce. They worked against each other, certainly, but they didn’t attack one another directly.

She scowled. Somehow this was Ben Organa’s fault; there was no other logical explanation. Right. First things first, Rey needed to see where the main fighting was.

That was easier. It was a dark night, so she could just follow the flash of blaster fire and the shouts of pain and rage. Rey arrived in the mess hall, where a shootout was already taking place.

She looked around. It appeared to be the Resistance on the far side of the mess hall, with stormtroopers penning them in. Rey ignited her lightsaber and cut a path to the other side of the mess hall, ducking, leaping, and blocking with her lightsaber in order to avoid getting shot.

She leapt behind one of the overturned tables, and was surprised to find Poe and Finn behind it, peering over the top and firing back at the stormtroopers.

“What’s going on?” she asked, breathless.

Poe shook his head and fired a few rounds back. “No idea. They just attacked. We were just lucky there was a late night holovid showing, or we’d all be dead in our beds.”

Rey huffed. She’d left her own blaster back in her room, which would have been much mkore helpful to have just this moment. Lightsabers were good for close range, one on one combat, it wasn’t as if you could just throw one across the room and spear somebody with it.

Well, she certainly felt useful.

She turned to Finn, who was firing a blast at the stormtroopers. The shot struck one of them in the shoulder, knocking them down.

She hesitated. She knew that Finn’s aim could (and usually was) terrifyingly good. She decided not to question why it was so lenient now.

Jessika Pava, crouched behind the next table over, seemed to have no such qualms about killing. She fired off shot after shot, each hitting its target and rendering it unnervingly silent. Her teeth were bared in a fierce approximation of a smile.

She looked around. Things appeared to be under control here. One question remained, however. What did the First Order think they were going to accomplish by attacking directly? All they were going to do was make a lot of people angry. They weree only tipping their hand.

Unless they were here for something. Or someone. Rey’s heart pounded in her chest. It couldn’t be her; they had already established that they were willing to kill her. That and the fact that she’d already been trained as a Jedi; taking her now would accomplish nothing.

Her mind was racing. It could be any one of a number of people, for all she knew. The base housed quite a few important generals.

Think! Rey had to think this through, and quickly. The First Order had to be here for someone really powerful, whose importance would warrant them staying on base most of the time. THat narrowed things down considerable. More than that, this person’s seizure would have to be incredibly demoralizing for the Resistance’s troops.

Leia. That was the only possible option. As she considered the possibility, it became more and more plausible. Leia was a famed war general and the head of the Resistance. Her capture would leave them essentially without a leader.

As her brain hummed with the sudden realization, Rey stood up straight.

“I have to go,” she said abruptly.

Poe looked up. “What?”

Rey didn’t have time to explain this to him; she had to go now. “Tell you later,” she said, and then sprinted off in the direction of General Organa’s office.

As she ran, it became more and more apparent that her hunch had been correct. She had to pause periodically to fend off stormtroopers left behind as guards. Rey didn’t pause or hesitate to take them out. She needed to get to General Organa before someone else did.

By the time she got to Leia’s office, Rey knew she’d come too late. The door to the office had been blown off it’s hinges, and was covered with scorch marks. Rey entered the room warily, aware that there could still be someone there.

But no one attacked. Not that it mattered. .The office had been trashed completely, papers covering every conceivable surface and furniture ripped apart and all over the floor.

Rey kicked aside the leg of what had once been a chair and let out a yell of frustration. She had failed. While she’d been sleeping, the First Order had walked into her home and taken one of her new family.

She wasn’t about to let this stand, and the First Order wasn’t going to stop here. Oh, no. They had plans, she was absolutely certain of it. They would keep the General alive for now, use her as some kind of pawn.

She smiled fiercely. Leia certainly wasn’t going to make it easy for them. In the meantime, she would need to find a new leader and get a rescue effort started. She had a lot of work to do.  
***  
As it turned out, Rey didn’t have to find a new leader for the Resistance.

“They want you to lead them,” Poe explained.

Rey’s mind short circuited. “I’m sorry, what? They want me to lead?” Poe nodded. “Are you sure they don’t want Luke, or someone actually qualified?”

He shook his head. “Luke’s apparently part of the reason this whole thing started, so the council didn’t think that would be the best idea. And you know, we don’t have any idea where he is, or how to contact him.” He paused, then continued. “You’d essentially be a figurehead leader.”

She shrugged. It didn’t seem as though she had much of a choice. And if she had some power, it would be much easier to get General Organa back in one piece. She had no intentions of actually keeping the job.

“Okay, fine,” she said, and Poe broke into a smile of relief.

“That was a lot easier than I thought it would be,” he said.  
***  
At least the other acting generals and counsellors had no issues with her desire to get Leia back. In fact, most of them agreed heartily, muttering things under their breath about how she was practically a child and had now tactical experience whatsoever.

That stung a bit, but hey. As long as they were agreeing.

How to go about this was the tricky part. The First Order had yet to present a list of demands or even acknowledge that they had the General. No one even know if she was alive or dead.

Not to mention, Rey had heard nothing of or from Ben Organa, which was starting to be worrisome. Not that she expected or wanted him to be in contact, but she’d heard rumors of his whereabouts previously, and the total lack of knowledge was a bit unsettling.

Not just that, the Council was apparently calling an emergency meeting to discuss something of extreme importance. That wasn’t at all ominous.

As it turned out, the thing of great importance they were to discuss was that the First Order had sent them a message regarding General Organa, the contents of which made several of the counsellors blanche.

The crux of the message was this: they had the General, and she was alive and unharmed for the moment. Whether or not she would remain so would depend on their actions.

Mac, looking more professional than Rey had ever seen her, had traced the source of the message to the Finalizer, the largest ship in the First Order’s fleet and generally considered to be impregnable. It had previously been under the command of Kylo Ren, but was now run by a man called General Hux.

That ship might not be as impregnable as the thought. And she knew just the person to ask.  
***  
Unfortunately, Rey had no idea how to get into contact with Ben Organa, He hadn’t exactly given her a location to try or a radio frequency to contact. Force, she wasn’t even certain he would want to help her even if she could reach him. Just because he wasn’t working for the First Order didn’t mean he would work with the Resistance.

Not to mention she didn’t really know how he felt about his mother. He’d made his feelings about Han Solo incandescently clear, but had never mentioned his mother.

Still, Rey felt she had to at least make an effort. He could be an invaluable source of information for the Resistance (not to mention she might finally find out what was going on with Poe and him).

And as for getting into contact with him? Well, Rey had a slight advantage over most people. They were both Force users, and if he could go rooting through her mind, she was reasonable certain she could do the same thing.

Rey sat alone in her room, legs folded, eyes closed, and the lights out. She rested her upturned palms on her knees and reached out into the Force. She went back through her memories to the time Kylo Ren had interrogated her, and focused fully on one specific moment: the moment he’d entered her mind.

It had been extraordinarily painful.

But the pain wasn’t the important part. She zeroed in on the memory of his Force signature and paused.

Wait a minute. The last time they’d met, his Force signature had been different. Rey let go of the memory and instead went forwards, to the memory of the last time they’d met. She seized upon it and concentrated, hoping that this would work as Luke had described it to her.

How he’d learned the trick, she had no idea.

There was a feeling like a sudden shift in her mind, and Rey found herself in an unfamiliar consciousness. Her body was still in the same place, but it felt as if she was in someone else’s brain.

So it had worked, then. The feeling was more than a little jarring. With a little probing, she realized that she could feel what Ben was feeling and sense where he was, but it felt as though she was vaguely disconnected.

“Hello?” she said, and immediately felt a wave of rising panic. Mental shields like walls of iron slammed into place. Another consciousness was pinning her down, throwing memories at her in an attempt to overwhelm her.

Rey gasped aloud at the sheer weight of the memories being flung at her. They stuttered in and out of her awareness, creating a visual cacophony of memory.

Green grass and an old tree on Naboo-

Darkness, and a man and a woman shouting at her-

A droid bumping at his knee-

A dark haired boy’s shy smile-

A room with white walls that smelled of disinfectant and death-

Pain-

Blood-

Fear-

Darkness, and a void of anger-

Unbeknownst to herself, Rey had thrown her hands up over her ears, as if that would block out the tidal wave of memories. The effort was, of course, completely pointless.

“Stop!” she said, shouting into Ben’s mind. “It’s just me, it’s just Rey!”

As abruptly as it had begun, the visual assault stopped, leaving Rey reeling in its wake. Across the connection, she could feel anger and vague distrust.

“Rey,” he said coolly, but she could still feel the anger behind it. “What the fuck are you doing inside my head?” At least he didn’t seem like he was going to actively assault her any longer. Now that the shock of it had worn off, his mental shields were actually sort of impressive.

Rey laughed weakly. “Sorry about that,” she said. “It’s just that I had no other way to contact you and no time to run around the galaxy looking for you.”

“A little warning might have been nice,” he grumbled. “What do you want?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I assume you have a reason for being in my head; what is it?” Ben asked, making it perfectly clear she would need to have a good justification.

Rey collected herself. “Right. So I was hoping to ask a favor, seeing as I’m now the acting head of the Resistance.”

The suspicion on the other end deepened. “What happened to Leia Organa?”

She hesitated. How was she supposed to say this nicely? Rey decided to just go for it. “Yeah, about that. See, we got attacked by the First Order and they kind of kidnapped her?” She braced herself for the inevitable explosion of wrath.

Shock came first, then disbelief, then anger came, a quietly simmering fury.

“Still there?” she asked almost timidly.

“Yes,” he replied, inflection tightly controlled. “And what do you want me to do about it?”

This was actually going better than she had hoped. She’d half expected to be tossed out of Ben’s head, or have her mind torn apart in the face of his rage. But he appeared to be considering helping them? 

“Well, you see, we figured out that they’ve got her on the Finalizer, and there’s no one who knows that ship like you probably do. I want you to come in and help us get her out.”

Waves of amusement rocked her mind, and Rey realized that he was laughing hysterically. “You want me, a war criminal, to come to the stronghold of the people I’ve actively killed? That’s hilarious. And what makes you think they’ll even listen to me? They’d tear me apart as soon as look at me.”

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Rey said sternly, cutting off his laughter. “Look. If you help us, I can maybe get the Resistance to leave you alone, maybe even get you a pardon.”

Skepticism tinged with the faintest hint of hope. “And why should I believe you?” Ben wanted to believe her, she could tell, wanted to believe that he could actually come home after all these years.

“Because I’m desperate,” she said, and heard his scoff of derision. “No, really, you’ve met me. How good do you imagine I am at leading?”

She was so close, so incredibly close. All he needed was one little push. So Rey gave it to him.

“Please,” she asked.

Resolution.

She felt Ben sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose. “I can’t believe I’m even considering this,” he muttered. Then, “Where and when am I meeting you people?”

Rey breathed a sigh of relief. “The Yavin IV base, two days from now. The coordinates are-”

But he cut her off. “I know where it is. I’ll be there. Just make sure none of your people are shooting at me.” With that, the connection between them simply closed, leaving Rey sitting in her room, in her own mind again.

Well. That was one thing taken care of. Now she just had to get the others on board with the idea.  
***  
Getting Poe on her side was easy, as she anticipated. Jessika was also with her, to Rey’s utter shock. It was the rest of the counsellors that were the problem.

It wasn’t as though Rey didn’t understand their concerns. She wouldn’t be thrilled with the idea of letting a traitor on the base either, in different circumstances. But given the fact that Ben was their only feasible source of information, she didn’t exactly see another option.

“Enough!” she shouted over the roar of the counsellors arguing. Amazingly, the room went quiet. “You all wanted me to lead, and I’m leading. And it’s a bit too late to argue now. We’re already relocating to Yavin IV, and he’s already coming. So either we’re going to treat the man with courtesy and respect and listen to what he has to say, or we’re essentially letting the First Order win.”

And that was effectively the end of that argument.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe needs some counselling. Rey has had enough of this bureaucratic nonsense. Ben would like a hug.

The day dawned bright and clear, without a cloud in sight. Rey and a few others, including Poe, headed out to the edge of the base to watch for Ben, and Rey couldn’t help but feel a twinge of nerves. This had to work. It just had to.

They stood on the edge of a copse of trees, facing away from the base. It was getting to be late morning, and there was still no sign of Ben. Poe stamped his feet against the early morning chill.

“Are you sure he’s actually coming?” he asked.

“Wait a minute,” Rey said, eyes focusing on movement in the trees. “I see something there.”

She and Poe squinted into the trees, shading their eyes against the sunlight. She felt herself getting even more nervous.

A squirrel ran out from the trees, and both of them deflated. That was that, then. 

“What are we all looking at?” someone said from behind them.

They both turned on a dime, and there was Ben, dressed asll in black, looking terribly bored with the whole affair. His hand rested on the hilt of his lightsaber, and the scar on his face had faded to a faint silvery line.

“Hey,” she said.

Ben studied her. “Hi.”

“Hiya,” Poe said. Ben turned to look at him and suddenly Rey felt as though she was intruding on a very private moment. The way they looked at each other! She hadn’t seen anything like it before in her life. There had to be history there.

She cleared her throat, and they both turned to look at her. “Shall we get going, then?”

Poe shoved his hands in his pockets, and they started back towards the base. She and Poe quickly struck up a conversation, while Ben loomed behind them, expression stormy and unsettlingly quiet.

Rey glanced back at him. Was he nervous? He had a right to be, she supposed. He was venturing back into the territory of people who admittedly hated him.

“So, no shooting at me, right?” he said.

Rey smiled.  
***  
Getting him back into the base without being seen had always been the main problem. If they were seen, the chances were someone would end up dead or injured. So they ended up sneaking him in through the back and locking him up in the basement detention level.

“This isn’t exactly what I had expected,” Ben said, looking down at the metal encircling his wrist. Rey had found a pair of Force cuffs somewhere, leaving him unable to use his powers.

Poe shrugged and folded his arms, looking at him through the strong, clear barrier. “I mean, you have to understand the reasoning. We can’t just have you running around free.”

Ben was unamused. “You people were the ones who wanted me to come here in the first place; I didn’t have to lift a finger to help you out.” He raised his wrists in Poe’s general direction. “Take them off?”

He hesitated visibly, but shook his head. “Sorry.”

He sighed. At least his wrists weren’t actually chained together. He decided to go through one of the exercise routines he’d learned early on, and started to stretch out his limbs and torso.

It was awfully stuffy in the cell. Ben shrugged and took of the cowl and outer shirt, enjoying the feeling of cool air on his torso. He started into the set, still facing Poe. He bent and flexed, then began the quick sequence of crouches and leaps. That took up a bit more space than he really had, but he modified his motions accordingly. 

Finally he got into the handstand bit, turning away as he did so. Ben heard a sharp intake of breath from behind him. He turned back and looked over his shoulder. “What?” he asked.

Poe pointed to his back. “What’s that?” he asked, voice shaking slightly.

What the hell was he talking about? “What do you mean?” he asked, still confused.

“You’ve got scars all over your back,” Poe responded. “Why?”

Oh. The scars from his initial training. Snoke had been a big proponent of pain as a means of education. Pain brought strength, that was what he’d always said. Ben looked back at Poe, who was still clearly horrified, then reached for his undershirt and slipped it back on.

“Did you get those from the First Order?” Poe asked. Receiving no answer, he let out a stream of curses under his breath and kicked at a chair.

“What?” Ben said, a little unnerved. “What’s the matter?”

“The matter is that your back has been torn all to pieces and you don’t seem to find anything wrong with that!”

“Poe. It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine!” the other man said, voice rising, “because I legitimately have no idea what to do with you, okay? You literally invaded my head and I’ve just made up my mind to properly be pissed with you, but no, I can’t even do that right because you walk in here like you own the place and end up looking like that.” Poe made a vehement gesture at Ben’s back.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Ben snapped. “I don’t know who you want me to be, okay?”

Poe looked as if he was close to tears. “You were my best friend, okay? I loved you, and then you were dead, and it royally fucked me up. I just want my friend back.”

“I don’t know if I can be that man,” Ben said. He reached out, splaying his fingers on the clear barrier between them. “I don’t know if he’s here anymore.”

Poe lifted his hand and put it on the barrier, the position of his fingers mirroring Ben’s. They made eye contact, and it struck Ben that this was a man who he’d treated like shit. And sure, maybe some of those actions had been out of his control, but he’d still done them. And Poe was still standing here, trying to understand him.

The door swung open, and the moment was gone, Ben retreating to the back of the cell. A large, angry man stormed into the room, followed by two others, then Rey close behind, yelling at them.

Ben sighed. “I’m beginning to have grave doubts about the organization of this operation. Did anyone actually know this was happening?”

Finally, Rey seemed to have gotten the three men to shut up. She turned towards the other two. “Sorry for the misunderstanding. Apparently I was less than clear,”she glared at the other men, “about the fact that you’re on our side.”

 

He raised an eyebrow. “Who are these people?”

One of the men spoke up. “We’re here to see that you don’t kill all of us in your sleep!” he blustered.

“Because he’s going to do so much of that while he’s locked up in here?” Rey said. She waved a hand at them. “Get out. I have this under control.”

No one move. “Out!” she repeated, and they fled. As soon as they were gone, Rey opened the door of the cell and Ben stepped out. He held up his wrists meaningfully, and she tooks the cuffs off. He rubbed at his now bare wrists and winced. It was disconcerting, not having the Force available to him.

“You didn’t tell them I was coming,” he said, voice flat.

Rey shrugged. “Oh, no, I did, I definitely did. I just don’t think they actually listened. Anyway, we have business to take care of. What weaknesses does the Finalizer have?”  
***  
It was possibly the worst idea ever conceived by humankind. All three of them agreed to it. It was stupid, dangerous, and liable to get all of them killed.

Unfortunately, it was also their best chance of success.

“This is the worst idea I’ve ever heard,” Poe said, and Ben sighed. It was the third time he’d said that in the last half an hour.

“Do you have a better one?” he replied, sipping at his fourth mug of kaf and rubbing blearily at his eyes. They’d been holed up in the detention level literally all day and well into the night, and he was beginning to get a little irritable.

“No,” Poe said grudgingly. In the corner, Rey had fallen asleep and was curled up into a ball. They both looked over at her.

“Her ability to fall asleep anywhere is truly a talent,” Ben remarked, and Poe nodded. The tension in the air had dissipated

“So,” the pilot started, sounding uncharacteristically unsure of himself. Ben looked over at him. “How have you been?”

“Oh, you know,” he drawled. “Living on the run, barely eating, wreaking vengeance on all those who dare to oppose me. The usual.”

Poe looked as though Ben had slapped him. “That’s not funny,” he managed to say.

“Sorry,” he replied. An uncomfortable silence stretched out between them. “How have you been?” he asked, looking for something, anything to break the awful silence.

The other laughed shortly. “You don’t want to know the answer to that.” He paused. “I thought you were dead, you know,” Poe said. Ben looked up. “They told met hat you died when Luke’s temple fell.” Poe shook his head. “I guess they lied.”  
***  
The next day, he had to attend a meeting of the Council. He hadn’t wanted to, but Rey had told him it was necessary for him to not be living in a cell for the rest of his life.

He and Rey at in two of the chairs nearest to the giant holo screen, Poe on Rey’s right. The counsellors filled in in small clumps, shooting suspicious glances at him whenever they got too close to him.

Ben glared back at them until Poe reached over and elbowed him in the guy.

“Ouch,” he hissed, but Poe just raised an eyebrow.

“Right,” a large man said from the front of the room. Ben remembered him from his childhood. General Jowau had always been a skeptic, at times unreasonable cautious. It didn’t bode well that he seemed to be taking the lead on this.

“Let’s get started,” Jowau said. “I believe our resident Jedi has an update on the situation at hand.”

Rey took over from there. “Yes. Right. So, this is our resident expert, Ben Organa.” No one reacted. “Previously known as Kylo Ren.”

The room exploded into chaos. Apparently some of them hadn’t known he’d be here, or hadn’t believed he would actually come, and were now shouting over each other about it. Frankly, it was all rather irritating.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he muttered. “I go away for years and when I come back the politics are still the same as when I left. Will you people shut up?” This last part was addressed to the whole room, which quieted almost instantly.

“Thank you,” Ben said. I was getting a headache listening to you nitwits prattle on about things you don’t have a chance of understanding.”

Jowau glared at him. “I’m sorry, perhaps you could just explain to us why we shouldn’t just kill you on the spot?”

Poe moved to stand, mouth open to speak, but Ben grabbed his elbow and levered him back into his seat. “Well, first of all,” he said mildly, “that would be really fucking rude considering you invited me here. I did you guys a favor by showing up.”

He scoffed.

Ben held up a finger. No, not that one. “Furthermore,” he continued, “as far as I’m concerned, I’m the only chance you’ve got of getting the General back in one piece.”

 

One of the other generals, a dark skinned woman with her hair in tiny braids, raised a hand. “About that. We’ve received a dispatch from the First Order about General Organa.”

“And?” Rey prompted.

The woman hesitated. “Well, it’s not very pleasant.” She turned on the holoscreen with a small, black remote. Frozen on the screen was the image of a dark, tiny room lit by a lamp on the wall. Ben recognized it immediately as one of the Finalizer interrogation rooms.

Standing in the background of the frame was a tall man dressed black, with a startling shock of red hair. General Hux. His expression tightened. Sitting in the foreground was General Organa, a dark bruise on her left eye, swelling it shut. Blood stained the collar of her shirt, and her face was set in a grim expression.

Ben’s grip tightened on the armrest of his chair. The dark haired woman pulled out a piece of paper and passed it to Rey. She let out a breath and passed it over to Ben.

The First order wasn’t making any demands. All they were saying was that there was someone who was looking forward to getting a hold of a proper Skywalker. He stood up sharply, ignoring the murmurs of surprise, and stormed out into the hallway, slamming the door shut behind him. He didn’t make the mistake of staying near the conference room, breaking into a job and finding a secluded corner.

Snoke wanted Leia for something. That was unacceptable. Ben felt an incandescent rage building inside him and he let out a yell of fury. Ben kicked at a chair and felt a vicious satisfaction as it clattered to the ground.

He leaned up against the wall and slid down it to a seated position. He rested his head on his knees and let out a muffled scream.

Footsteps clicked down the hall at a brisk pace, and Ben curled up tighter into himself and hoped whoever it was would just go away. The footsteps sped up until they were right next to him. Whoever it was sat down next to him, and Ben looked up. Poe was sitting next to him on the floor, staring at the wall across from them.

“What are you doing?” he asked, voice muffled through his clothing.

Poe looked at him. “What are you doing? Running out of there like that, with no explanation. You know there’s going to be questions about it later.” He didn’t sound angry, just unbelievably tired.

He didn’t answer.

He turned to look at Ben, concern evident in his eyes. “Hey. You okay?” Ben’s entire body was shaking with suppressed emotion. “Ben?” Poe said.

He didn’t respond. He couldn’t. Poe reached out, wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and pulled him in close, crushing Ben in an embrace so tight it crushed all the air from his lungs. And Ben just let it happen. It was possibly the first real affectionate touch since he’d left home.

“Shh, come on,” Poe said. “It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be fine, I promise. You and Rey will get her out before anything bad happens, okay? I believe you can do it.”

He looked up. “You what?”

“You heard me,” Poe said, trying to keep his voice light. “Now get back in there and convince them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally would just like to apologize for this. Sorry. And if you want to know who came up with the kidnapping-Leia subplot, you should totally direct your queries to [Sarah](http://loving-neko.tumblr.com/). Please go and yell at her and not at me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia is absolutely done with all of this nonsense.

They travelled to the Finalizer on what had to be the tiniest ship in existence, which was barely large enough to hold three people. Fortunately, that was all it would need to carry, should things go according to plans. Poe had stayed behind, citing the need to keep an eye on operations back at base.

The ship, to reiterate, was tiny, and covered with dents and scratches, and generally gave the impression of being a hop, skip, and a jump away from disintegrating into a rust heap. It was making Ben a little nervous. Well. A little bit more nervous than he already was.

Rey, in the end, had been the one to convince the rest of the counsellors to go along with the plant. It had taken some work, but in the end they had finally managed to agree, with the caveat that she would prioritize the General’s safety as well as her own over his. Which was just about the kind of passive aggressive fuck you that he’d come to expect from these people. Really, they had no idea how to accept a favor graciously, what with all of them making noises about his trial and/or execution. He was beginning to regret agreeing to this scheme at all.

“Are you sure about his?” Rey asked as their ship approached the Finalizer. “You’re the one who’s most at risk here.” The radio crackled with static, and she started flipping switches and pushing buttons. 

Ben stared out the viewport at the quickly approaching ship. “I’ll be fine,” he replied. “Do me a favor, though. If you see Snoke, stab him in the eye for me, will you?”

She nodded, and then they were docking and she had no more time to speak. She put on the cloth face covering and quickly clicked the cuffs in place around his wrists. They looked like Force-cuffs, but they’d both made sure he could still use the Force while wearing them.   
He stowed his lightsaber inside his clothes, and then Rey was leading him down the ramp and onto the Finalizer. He kept his head down, letting his hair fall in front of his face. It was odd coming back here after all that had happened. It seemed almost anticlimactic.

But his attempts at hiding did him little good. He was still recognized within thirty seconds of walking onto the ship.

“Ah, excellent,” said Hux’s cool voice. Ben’s hands clenched into fists. But Hux barely spared him a second glance. “You may take him down to the detention level and then see me to collect the bounty.”

Behind him, Rey nodded. “Thank you, sir,” she said, voice muffled by several layers of cloth.

Hux paused for a moment, narrowed his eyes at her, then nodded and walked away. Rey and Ben kept walking in the opposite direction, Ben glowering as he looked down at the floor.

“What a pleasant person,” Rey muttered, and he had to stifle a laugh. “How do I get down to the detention center?”

Right. Time to get down to work. This was what they were here to do. “Left here,” he muttered at the next turn, then continued to guide them towards the detention center. It was farther and more difficult than he remembered. The Finalizer was a huge ship, and he’d not had much occasion to go down there, in the bowels of the ship.

He paused at a sudden split in the hallway. That hadn’t been there before, had it? “Huh,” Ben said. “That’s weird.”

“What’s weird?” Rey hissed.

“This turn wasn’t here before. Oh, wait, no. That goes to sanitation. I think,” he continued, trying to picture the route downwards. “Okay, left, then down the stairs, then two more rights, and we’re at the main detention terminal.”

“Are you sure you remember this right?” she snapped, and he had to fight back the beginnings of a smirk.

“Yes, shut up, I’m trying to look serious here. You’ve got it easy, with that thing over your face,” Ben grumbled, but then something jabbed him in the kidney. “Ow,” he muttered.

“Get moving, prisoner,” she said grimly, and Ben grinned as he hung his head and walked.

“You’re really awful at this,” he commented, and she elbowed him.

Finally they made it down to the detention level. Three stormtroopers stood guard arounds the main terminal, holding giant blasters on their shoulders.

One of them looked up as they came in. “Oh, good,” she said. “Thanks. We can take him back, then.”

Ben could feel Rey hesitating behind him. This hadn’t been part of the plan. They’d intended to get Leia together, not split up like this. “Oh, it’s no trouble,” she said. “Just give me a cell number and I’ll get him in.”

The stormtrooper’s stance became more solid. “We really aren’t allowed to do that.” She gestured at Ben. “Come on, get the cuffs off him, and you can go.” He frowned. Somehow, the stormtrooper’s voice was familiar, but he couldn’t quite place it. 

He turned around to face Rey, who started fiddling with the cuffs. “What do we do now?” she hissed.

“Go,” he started, and she bristled. “Go back to the ship and wait for me to get back. If I don’t show up within the hour, get out of here.”

“Are you trying to get away with some self sacrifice shit? Because you know I’m not going to let that happen.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Not because I like you, you’re useful.”

The stormtrooper tapped her foot. “What’s taking so long?” Again, he was struck by the familiarity of her voice.

“Don’t be stupid,” Ben whispered as the cuffs came free. “This is me being pragmatic. You’re much more valuable to the Resistance than I am.” He turned to face the stormtroopers, feeling the reassuring weight of his lightsaber in his clothing.

Rey walked forward, pushing him towards them. “I’ve got a bounty resting on this one,” she said, “Don’t damage the goods.” Then she turned on her heel and walked away. 

The lead trooper walked forward and took one of his arms. The other two followed suit, one taking his other arm and the other one leading the way down the corridor.

Next to him, the leader put a hand on her blaster. Well. That was vaguely worrying. He decided not to do anything about that just yet. At least, not until it became a real threat to him.

She stopped suddenly and tilted her head to one side. “What was that?”

“What was what?” one of the others said.

“I thought I heard something,” she said. “You two, go and have a look.” The other two paused, then headed off in the same direction. The female stormtrooper raised her blaster and fired twice in quick succession, and the other two fell, dead.

Okay, what the fuck was going on? He reached into his clothes and pulled out the lightsaber, igniting it and backing away from the stormtrooper. She pulled her helmet off and let it drop to the floor.

“Mom?” Ben squawked. “What are you doing?”

Leia looked just as surprised to see him. “What are you doing here? I thought you were hiding out somewhere, not getting caught by bounty hunters.”

He groaned. “That wasn’t a bounty hunter, that was Rey. We came to get you out of here.”

Leia looked even more confused, if that was even possible. She shook her head. “I expect a full explanation of this later, young man,” she said, and for a moment he felt just like a child again. The feeling wasn’t altogether unpleasant.

“But,” she continued, “as a Resistance leader, I have to ask. Whose side are you on?”

Ben paused. “My own.”

She shrugged. “Good enough for me. It won’t be good enough for General Jowau, but we’ll get to him.” She put on the helmet and seized his arm again.

“I’ve met the man. He already hates me,” he grumbled as they started walking.

They made it back to the tiny ship well enough, Ben whispering directions so it would look as if his mother actually knew where they were going. He walked up the ramp and closed the entry port as soon as they were both up.

Something was wrong. Why was it so quiet in here?

“Rey?” he called, but received no response. Okay. That wasn’t good at all.

Behind him, Leia stooped, the plates of armor clicking against each other. Ben turned in time to see her pick up a beige cloth. She handed it to him wordlessly. It was the head covering Rey had been wearing.

Alarm bells went off in his head and he reached out with the Force, trying to get a sense of where she was. She was still on the ship, at least, but moving quickly towards what he knew to be Snoke’s receiving room. 

He swore under his breath. “Stay here,” he told Leia, then slammed the button to lower the entry ramp. “I’ll be right back.” He didn’t stay to hear her answer.

Ben set off at a dead sprint. He steadfastly ignored the stares and muttered comments of passing stormtroopers, instead concentrating on not taking wrong turns. He turned right to avoid the bridge. Too many people, and he didn’t want to attract too much attention. Computer parts littered the duracrete floor, and the sound of machines whirring filled the air. He must have turned down a hallway under construction. Ben didn’t stop. He leapt over the parts and kept running.

Left, left, straight, second right. He was almost there. What he was going to do when he arrived, he had no idea. But that didn’t matter, he could figure that out.

Finally he arrived at the receiving room where he’d always met with Snoke. Standing guard in front of the door was Captain Phasma, in full armor and carrying a huge blaster.

They both stiffened as they saw each other. Ben reached for his lightsaber and felt for the button on the hilt. Phasma was very good at her job. He’d seen her take down men twice her size, and it would be really inconvenient if he had to fight her.

“Lord Ren,” she said coolly, making no attempt to reach for her blaster. “It’s been quite some time.”

“Captain,” he replied, entirely uncertain as to where this conversation was going. “I wasn’t aware you know what I look like.”

Her helmet stared him down, and if he didn’t know the facial features were static, he would have sworn a ghost of a smile was on her face. “I look out for all my troopers, Lord Ren, yourself included.”

Ben’s face scrunched up. “I was never under your command, what-Nevermind. I have things to do.” He levelled her with a glare and ignited the lightsaber. “Will you please move aside?”

Phasma paused, considering, which was more than he’d dared to hope for. It was beginning to look as if she might cooperate with him.

“Why should I?” she finally said. “What are you going to do?” Her voice, even through the mask, was careful, almost calculating. Ben studied her. What did she have riding on this? He was running out of time; he needed to get through.

Finally, he decided to just tell the truth. What was the worst that could happen? “I’m going to confront Snoke,” he said.

Phasma took a step forward, and he tensed up. But then she stepped to the side, and his way to the door was clear. What was she doing? Was she just going to let him in to try and kill the Supreme Leader? Ben got the feeling there was more going on here than met the eye, but time was wasting.

“Thank you,” he said, and put his hand on the doorknob.

She nodded. “Stick him in the eye for me. He’s been taking my troops in the middle of the night.”

Oh. This was starting to make sense. He’d known that Phasma was fiercely protective of those under her command, but this wasn’t behavior suited for a commanding officer. This was more like the protection of a mother.

Ben opened the door and stepped into the receiving room, his eyes taking a moment to adjust to the lack of proper lighting. Had it always been this dark in here?

“Watch out,” someone shouted, and he dropped into a crouch instinctively. Force lightning crackled over his head as it slammed into the door behind him.

“I see your reflexes have gotten better, apprentice,” came Snoke’s dry, crackling voice.

Ben continued forward, glad for one of his dark clothing. It was probably making him much harder to see in the dark room. “I see your aim has gotten worse, master,” he said, and heard a chuckle from somewhere in front of him.

“Ben?” Rey said, sounding as though she was only seconds away from panic. “What are you doing?”

He kept coming forward silently. If Snoke kept talking long enough, he’d be able to figure out where in the room he was, then he could put an end to things.

“This one’s very talented,” Snoke commented. “I might have to trade you in and keep her.”

“You did not keep me,” he said in a voice like steel, “you will not keep her.” Then a realization struck him. If he was trying to find Snoke by his voice, Snoke could be doing the same thing to him.

He reached out with the Force, searching for the Sith. The whole room was permeated with the Dark Side, which wasn’t very helpful. He couldn’t sense Rey either, which was vaguely concerning. So he was essentially wandering around in the dark, hoping he stumbled across one or the other of them.

Sometimes he really hated his life.

“You still here, Rey?” he asked, trying to keep his voice light. Best not to let either of them know how nervous he was getting.

“Still here,” she confirmed.

Ben frowned. Something about this wasn’t right. If it really was Rey, why wasn’t she giving off a Force signature? It could be that Snoke had Force cuffs on here, but then why would he let her keep talking like that? A possible explanation was that it wasn’t really Rey talking.

He concentrated on finding Snoke, reaching out with the Force and fumbling through the sheer darkness of the room’s energy for a point of emanation.

There! There was a point in the room that was slightly darker than the rest. And it was moving rapidly towards him.

Ben fumbled for his lightsaber and ignited it, swinging upwards just in time to parry a vicious blow from Snoke’s lightsaber. What was even going on here?

Snoke shoved him backwards with the Force, sending him flying back into the wall. The older man started walking towards him. Ben reached out with one hand and started feeling around for a light switch. He couldn’t see, and if he couldn’t see, he couldn’t know where Snoke was coming from and then he’d get killed. Panic welled up in his throat.

He flipped the switch, the light went on, and then he barely had time to parry Snoke’s next swing. The force holding him to the wall vanished, and he landed nimbly on his feet. He dodged the next blow and ducked around the other man.

He glanced around. The room was almost empty, except for Rey, who was cuffed and gagged on the other side. Well, that explained a lot. Ben pulled a knife out of his clothes and tossed it towards her, and she started jimmying the lock of the Force cuffs.

“Someone else has been teaching you, apprenticed,” Snoke noted. They continued to fight, lightsabers clashing together with a fierce thrum.

Ben got into the Form IV stance and waited. If there was one thing he knew about the Supreme Leader, it was that he was an impatient man. If he did nothing, the chances were good that Snoke would make the first move. 

His suspicions were correct. Snoke lifted a hand and sparks of electricity collected in his open palm. Force lightning. Shit. He pulled his hand back and flung it straight at Ben, eyes glittering with malice.

Ben’s body acted before his mind had a chance to catch up. His free hand flew up, and he closed his eyes. This had to work.

But all he felt was a tingling in his left palm. He opened his eyes, and the lightning hovered just above his open palm. He’d caught it. A sly smirk spread across his face as he stared back at Snoke, who looked just as shocked as he felt.

Across the room, Rey started laughing hysterically.

“It’s not that funny,” Ben snapped as he flung the lightning back.

His former master caught it with ease, and it dissipated at his touch. “So,” Snoke said, attacking at the same time. “You’ve advanced, apprentice, and you’ve made some friends.” As fast as he attacked, Ben parried. “But are they really loyal to you? Come back to where you will be truly valued.”

Ben aimed a sequence of blows at Snoke, all of which were blocked. He let out a harsh laugh. “You would have cast me aside without a second thought, master. Threaten or cajole me as you like, but don’t insult me by lying.”

“You think they’ll ever trust you?” Snoke laughed. “You’re more of a fool than I thought. At best, you’ll never be more than a pawn to them, someone to use as an example of their might.”

“That’s not true!” Rey called out from behind them. Ben glanced over to see her fiddling with Force cuffs frantically.

But suddenly doubt was creeping into his mind. Ben knew the Resistance didn’t trust him. Not that he blamed them, he’d switched sides twice already. But was there any hope for him to redeem himself? He’d done so many awful things; would he ever be able to make amends? Or would he forever be a victim of his past, running from it and denying it to anyone who would listen?

Snoke sensed his advantage and pressed it, shoving at him with the Force. Ben flung his left hand up and pushed back. Because apparently what this situation really needed was a shoving match between two of the galaxy’s trained Force users.

“You’ll never be good enough for them!” Snoke shouted, pushing harder. Ben braced his feet and gritted his teeth, pushing back as hard as he could.

“I don’t need to be,” he replied, and even as he said it, Ben realized how foolish it sounded. And yet it rang true. If people didn’t trust him, that was their problem. He didn’t need to be good enough for anyone else. He only needed to be good enough for himself.

With a start, Ben realized that he already was. He’d done awful, unforgivable things in the past, certainly, but that didn’t mean he had to loathe himself, or try to run from the past. He couldn’t. All he could do was accept himself as he was, flaws, mistakes, and all.

This was what Yoda had wanted him to learn, and he’d had it inside himself all along.

In his distraction, his grip on the Force slipped, and a wave of the Force broke over him. But he stayed upright and looked right at Snoke, who looked staggered to see him still standing.

“What’s happened?” Snoke whispered, and in that moment he realized just how old the man was, and how powerless. There was no reason for him to be so afraid of Snoke. There never had been.

Ben smiled, the first honest smile he’d had on his face in years. “You just lost, master.”

Snoke let out a ringing cry and rushed forward, lightsaber swinging in a wicked arc towards him. In that moment, Ben realized that he couldn’t be the one to kill Snoke. He was Snoke’s apprentice, and if he killed him, he’d be inadvertently claiming Snoke’s legacy.

He hadn’t been Snoke’s apprentice for quite some time, but he had no idea how the Force would interpret this. And there was no way he was going to be a Sith lord.

Snoke was bearing down on him; he didn’t have time to dodge or try something else. Ben glanced over at Rey, who had just gotten the Force cuffs off. 

“Catch!” he told her, and tossed the deactivated hilt of his lightsaber at her. Then he closed his eyes. If he had to die to end this, that was a price he would pay.

There was the sound of thrumming, then a choked gurgle, and Ben was feeling a conspicuous lack of lightsaber through his chest, which was something of a relief.

He opened his eyes, and Snoke stood transfixed before him, Ben’s own lightsaber was sticking through Snoke’s body, the tip only inches away from Ben’s chest.

He blinked and looked at Rey, who was visibly shaken. She lowered her right hand and got to her feet.

Snoke looked into Ben’s eyes as blood gurgled from his mouth. After what seemed like an eternity, he crumpled, smearing the floor with his blood. Then he went still.

A long silence ensued. Finally Ben broke it, raising an eyebrow, and saying, “You threw my lightsaber,” in a preternaturally calm voice.

“You didn’t really leave me with a choice,” she grumbled. “What was I supposed to do? Just let him skewer you?”

“But you _threw my lightsaber_ ,” he repeated. “Like it was some kind of spear or something.” He stepped around Snoke’s body to remove the lightsaber from his back.

“Would you prefer that I waited?” Rey said. “I think it was a pretty good throw.”

He held up his hands in a gesture of one who has no choice but to concede in the face of superior logic. “No one’s saying it wasn’t a good throw. But you _threw it_. Like a _spear_.” Ben shook his head. “That’s no way to treat a weapon.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Are you okay?”

Ben paused for a moment to really consider the question. Was he okay? He hadn’t been really okay since before he’d left home, and it hadn’t been exactly a walk in the park these last few months. And he still had a long way to go.

“No,” he said. “But I’ll get there.” And with that, Ben turned, finally, towards home.


End file.
